We place our wellbeing, our safety, our security on things outside of us — as if something can take our wellbeing away or add to it.
If I don’t get the job, that means something about me.
If my boss doesn’t compliment and praise me, that means something about me.
If I don’t perform well in the game, that means something about me.
If someone doesn’t like me, that means something about me.
If my child isn’t performing well in school, that means something about me.
If someone does something to me, i.e. cuts me off in traffic or yells at me, that means something about me.
If he/she doesn’t call me after the date to see me again, that means something about me.
If I don’t get an A+ on the test, that means something about me.
The list could go on…
We could also create a list for, "I'll be ok when...I make $X, my child makes the lacrosse team, my body is healthy, I am in a relationship, my boss acknowledges my work, etc."
We innocently walk through life in this way and what I have come across, which has been profound in my life, is seeing that life does not work outside in. Life works from the inside out.
We are born whole, complete and with innate wellbeing. That is our essence. Our true nature. And, that is not dependent on things outside of us. Wellbeing is what remains when our unnecessary thinking falls away.
If I waited for my boss to compliment me in order to feel happy and worthy, that is me making my happiness and worthiness dependent on someone else. I then become a victim to my boss and his/her mood, state of mind or way of being.
Through the inside out nature of how life works -- that I am only and ever experiencing my thinking in the moment, not my boss — then I have freedom of mind, clarity and I am more free to respond from a secure state of mind vs an insecure state of mind.
This truly goes beyond an intellectual understanding to a deeper knowing or a felt sense. We hear these words "wellbeing is innate" and it sounds good, but it means nothing until a person sees it for themselves, which is my definition of true change and transformation.