How often are you giving advice to others? Did they ask you for your advice?

Somehow it got built into us that when someone is expressing a challenge, not doing something how we would do it or is upset, we are so quick to give advice. And probably 99% of the time, the other person wasn't asking for advice.

A teacher of mine always says “try sh*t and see how it goes.”

I can speak for myself that I want to know the outcome or try to figure out the pros/cons of what may happen before I try it. That’s what holds us back and uses up our mental energy.

We cannot know how it will be until we try it. It’s like sailing - point the sailboat in a direction and then when the wind changes, you change direction. It’s the same with anything we are creating in life.

I was speaking with someone and she expressed that she was overwhelmed at work. She felt like she couldn't handle the amount of work she had to do and was in a constant state of stress.

As we were speaking, she kept using the word "busy" and so I asked her what that word means for her. This made for a really great reflection and discussion on how often we "thing-ify" and make things real. To her, she had innocently made "busy" into this really big thing and that was the state of mind she was operating from all day long.

We place our wellbeing, our safety, our security on things outside of us — as if something can take our wellbeing away or add to it.

If I don’t get the job, that means something about me.

If my boss doesn’t compliment and praise me, that means something about me.

If I don’t perform well in the game, that means something about me.

When we feel overwhelm, we think we must to do something about it -- delegate, cancel plans, examine our to-do list, take things off our plate, etc. All of the "doing" is keeping the overwhelm active. It's as if overwhelm is not welcome and so we have to get rid of it.

Consider this -- what if there is nothing to do with it? It is simply information about the quality of our thinking in the moment. Overwhelmed thoughts will always create a feeling of overwhelm in the body.

When I came across the inside out understanding or the principles behind life, one of the main insights I had was that I really was not in control. I thought, as we all generally do, that it was up to me figure things out, to work hard to get to where I want to be, to use willpower to make things happen, to effort and to grind. We often think that if we don't do these things, then we will become a couch potato and we will go nowhere in life.

You can have high performance without striving, willpower and constant grind.

There is another way. A way that is different than the usual mentality of focus, willpower, try hard and be more intense.

When you are in the flow state or the zone, you could explain this state as a feeling. Freedom, no thought, the identity of self disappears, effortless action, allowing, pure presence. There is no trying hard in the zone, you just know what to do and options expand. In this state, high performance is consistent. We all have access to this state of mind.

What is it like to know you are good enough?

That the work you put out is good enough.

That the parenting you do is good enough.

That the partner, mother, father, daughter, son, friend, colleague you are is good enough.

As a child, we played sports for the fun of it. For the enjoyment of it. For the thrill of it. As we got older, we began associating “my” performance with meaning something about “me” — my value, my worth, my reputation. We create a sense of pressure to need to perform a certain way, to not mess up, to please our coach, teammates and parents. This is a lot to carry and feels quite heavy!

It is so common in our society to go straight to the behavior when we need change to occur. We've experienced as children when our behavior wasn't appreciated, that was what needed changing. We see it in addiction rehab centers where time and effort is spent trying to change the behavior in hopes for a different outcome. We see it in our criminal justice system as individuals serve time for their behavior. And, we see it in ourselves when for example a habit is formed that we want to change, we use willpower to change our behavior.

When we stay in our heads spinning the same thoughts over and over again, all it ever does is make us feel mentally exhausted. The thing is, we have no idea we are doing it. We think that if we keep thinking about something, we will figure it out.

The other night I had a dream that I was being chased by a swarm of bees. This had me reflect on two things.

1. For fun, I went to Google to see what this means. Some say that it's a sign of good fortune and happiness. And, some say it means that danger is ahead - a situation that will create stress/anxiety.

This kind of stuff is fun and interesting to me and I take it as "good to know." But, I get to choose what I want to tune into.

I no longer fight against what is.

I no longer try to control the outcome or try to make things happen on my own terms - life simply does not work that way.

I recognize that I am already “at home” and I don’t need to search externally to find “home.”

I recognize that when my mind is quiet, it allows for wisdom to come through.